Language
Part 1:
A) This was a very interesting assignment, and I went into it not really knowing what to expect. The partners I had the conversation with were my kids, my son Dylan is 25 and my daughter Amber is 15. I think my kids thoroughly enjoyed this assignment as they could say whatever they wanted to, and verbally I couldn't say anything in return. I found myself using a lot of hand gestures to try and get my point across, and as I did this, they would actually slow down their speech, almost as if they thought I couldn't understand what they were saying to me. I found it very difficult to communicate with them. They tried to ask me what I was going to make for dinner, and it's really hard to describe what you are cooking with just hand gestures. The whole thing created a lot of laughter, but also a bit of frustration.
B) The person that was in control of the conversation was my 25 year old son. He is the one that initiated the topic and kind of controlled the entire conversation. It got to the point where he would ask questions and I would nod yes or no. It almost became a guessing game for him, he'd ask like are you making spaghetti, Tacos, and would expect me to nod yes or no. By the way, he never was able to guess correctly. It got very difficult trying to express myself and I did feel excluded at times, my kids would start talking to each other, and there wasn't really a way for me to jump in and get my thoughts across, so yes, I did feel left out at times.
C) I think the person that verbally speaks has a better advantage in communicating. They can use language, hand gestures, and many other techniques to get their point across, while the person that can't verbally communicate can only use gestures and such, which not everyone is able to fully understand. An example of this, is I have an Aunt that is fully deaf and mute, I've known her my entire life, but I've never been able to fully communicate with her, nor have a conversation. I babysat her kids, I have always known her, but our communication always went through my uncle or my cousins. So I think those that can't communicate verbally do have a disadvantage, they have limits on who they can fully communicate with on a daily basis. Even in today's culture, there is a huge deaf community and a lot of people are still unable to communicate with them. So I think it does make it harder. I also have seen people treat the deaf culture very rudely. My aunt and I were once at a common relatives house, and she & I were outside when a delivery person walked up to the house and started talking to my aunt, not knowing she couldn't hear- and he got very rude with her. I was just a young kid so I wasn't sure how to intervene, but I remember the delivery person treating her very rudely, because she was unable to hear him. The thought she was deaf never crossed his mind. He just had an attitude and took for granted that everyone communicated as he did.
Part 2:
A) Again, the partners I used were my kids. I found this to be really interesting. I tried to keep my voice flat, not using any alteration in my tone, and not using hand gestures or anything. Not using hand gestures was hard for me, as I am always told I speak with my hands a lot. I found this part of the assignment to be more difficult, as I wasn't able to use any facial expressions, voice my expressions or anything. My kids didn't have any difficulty communicating with me, but they both felt I was angry or upset, as I just talked in a very flat tone. I showed no expression which is rare for me and they both left the conversation feeling I was upset.
B) I think this showed my kids and I that body language is very important. It's part of who we are and how we communicate. It's important to be able to smile when talking, as well as using hand gestures, as they can help to describe things. Using a flat tone is like receiving a text and you don't know if the person is angry or just being themselves. You have to be able to use expression, excitement in your voice, as well as other ways of communicating. I think it helps get your point across and also helps people know where you are coming from, your mood and how you are feeling. You can tell a lot about how a person is feeling by their body language, we yell when we are mad, if we spoke in a flat monotone when mad, who would know we were mad? Same as with being happy, if we weren't allowed to smile and laugh, but only talk in a flat tone, who would know we were happy? Language is connected through verbal words, actions, and so much more.
C) I think body language is important because you are able to tell a lot about a person. People even become body language experts, which shows just how important body language is. I think one advantage to being able to read body language is you can kind of tell what a person is thinking subconsciously. People use body language when being protective of people, and may not even realize that how they are standing next to someone, may be in a protective manner. People can often say they are fine, but their body language may say differently like if they have their arms folded, or are shaking, etc. If you see someone exhibiting this type of body language you can reach out to them, and try to help them. They may not want to talk about it and verbalize what's going on, but you can be there and support them, knowing they need something. Body language truly shows a lot about how a person is doing. I think by the use of body language it helps a person communicate love as well, they say actions speak much louder then words, and body language proves that. Anyone can say "I love you" but when you see it in a persons actions, such as affection, hand holding, kissing, hugging, you know these are all connected to how a person feels about you. If there's someone you can't stand, you most likely won't go up and hug them or hold their hand. Most only show affection to those they truly care about.
D) I think there are people that have difficulty reading body language, my daughter for one! When ever she talks to me, she thinks i'm smiling, and I'm NOT! If I say i'm not smiling, she argues with me that I am. So I found myself trying to have a different expression when I talk to her, as she always thinks i'm laughing when we talk. She'll be totally serious or can be crying and she thinks i'm smiling and laughing at her, so I think she has a very hard time understanding body language. So the look on my face (body language) is not giving her reliable information.
Part 1: Great opening description. Fun to read.
ReplyDeleteGood discussion on the issue of power and control in the conversation.
" I think the person that verbally speaks has a better advantage in communicating. "
But this isn't just about verbal communication. This is about *symbolic* communication, which can be verbal or written. Otherwise, I agree with you.
Excellent real life example and thank you for providing an experience from your own life. That was very insightful.
Part 2: Great description, I would have liked more description of your kids' reactions and impressions. Usually the most interesting part of this experiment is the response of the partner. Some have actually gotten angry and stormed out. It would have offered more information for both you and your reader if this had been expanded.
"My kids didn't have any difficulty communicating with me, but they both felt I was angry or upset"
And this is worth exploring a bit more deeply. I know you said this was because your tone was flat, but what was missing here that made them jump to this conclusion? Why not assume you are happy instead of upset? Is it an issue of emotion? Or are they looking for validation of what you are saying?
I don't disagree with your conclusions regarding the information we receive from body language, but you are only considering the situation where body language matches and supports the information you receive from spoken language. What does it tell you when the body language doesn't match the spoken language? Humans tend to use body language as a type of lie detector. If spoken words don't match with the body language, we are more inclined to believe the body language and doubt the words. Think about how being able to detect liars might help an individual's ability to survive and reproduce (which applies to the next section).
"People can often say they are fine, but their body language may say differently like if they have their arms folded, or are shaking, etc."
You approach this from the perspective of helping a person, but we need to think about this from a survival/adaptive perspective. When a person's words don't match their body language, that means they are *lying*. Why does recognizing this helps us from the perspective successfully surviving and reproducing?
Like all human traits, there is normal variation in expression, and the ability to read body language is no different (as your daughter exemplifies). But beyond that, there are groups of people who have great difficulty or an outright inability to read body language due to physical or mental disability, such as those who are in the autism spectrum or those who are blind (though they can read vocal intonation).
I'm not sure if you are answering the final prompt with the last sentence. It doesn't really touch on the key issue here. Is there any situation you can think of where body language might actually mislead you, not because the person is lying but because you don't know how to read the body language? Do all cultures use the same system of body language? They all use different systems of spoken/written language, so why would we assume their body language isn't different? If you travel to another country, can you trust the information you get from their body language?
Hi Jodi,
ReplyDeleteI think it is awesome that you were able to do this assignment with your kids. Hopefully it brought you all some joy during this time of uncertainty. I did the experiment with my mom, and like you I often found myself using a variety of hand gestures in attempt to communicate what I was thinking and just like your kids, when I did this my mom would just nod her head in confusion and move on without really understanding what I was trying to say. I agree that it was very difficult and frustrating because I felt like there was no way for me to truly communicate my thoughts. Just like your son, my mom also eventually asked yes or no questions so that I could contribute to the conversation. Although my conversation was between myself and one other person I also felt left out the majority of the time. I agree that the person who verbally communicates has an advantage. There is truly no way to communicate complex ideas or really any idea that is more than extremely simplistic only through non-verbal communication. I also found the second part of the experiment very difficult because like you, I am a hand talker. I never truly realized how much I rely on my body language when communicating until participating in this experiment. My mom said that she felt the conversation was very boring due to the lack of emotion from my side. I believe that body language is extremely important in communication. Good post.
Jillian Le Duff
Hey Jodi, really excellent work here. You went through in so much detail about the experiment and I really like the fact that you were able to make this a family activity; thats really awesome! I think doing the experiment with kids is super interesting because they have different capabilities to understand so the age gap between 15 and 25 is interesting when evaluating how a teen would react versus a 25 year old. I love all of the work that you did on body language and explaining that. I feel like I got so much out of your post! Excellent work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jodi, I had a similar experience with my boyfriend when it came to trying to have a conversation with my boyfriend without being able to speak. We were spending a lot of time trying to get him to guess what I was trying to say. He would even get frustrated because he couldn't guess what I was trying to tell him about how my day was going. When it came to understanding each other when I was speaking to him with no kind of emotion he wouldn't pick up signs if I was angry, upset or happy. It was fun to play around with him and see how confused he was when I was trying to talk to him.
ReplyDeleteI thought you did an excellent job of bringing in the example regarding your deaf aunt. Your real life confession on the difficulty that you have experienced in communicating with her demonstrated the challenge in trying to have a conversation with someone that is sharing information in a language that you are unfamiliar with. This is the same challenge that is faced when you visit a country that speaks a language that you cannot read, write or speak. There is a certain anxiety that you feel before attempting to communicate with any local person, and you are uncertain whether the communication exchange is going to be fruitful. This why it is truly amazing what is able to be accomplished through some of the modern language apps that allow a person's words to be quickly translated into the desired language, which can help break down the barriers that exist when communication between individuals without shared language.
ReplyDelete